So I tried to understand why the phrase was, 'good night's rest' and I found that one could simple explain this stating that there are good nights and bad nights, each having either good or bad rest. Or how my boyfriend explained it was that the rest that you obtained from the night which was personified in a way... but then we began arguing about the different ways that one might perceive the rest and the night. Take for example, Father's Day. My boyfriend believes that Father's Day is possessive because the day belongs to his Father and each individual only has one true biological father, therefore the day belongs to your father. But I believe that it depends on how you perceive the holiday, such as the day belonging to all fathers (Fathers Day), the day belong to your father (Father's Day), or the day belonging to multiple fathers (Fathers' Day)... I mean each of them are correct in a literary sense right? I'm not sure why I'm asking you, the reader, but I thought it was fascinating because I have never brought myself to understand fully the variation in possessive forms. You learn one thing and you think of it as the only truth... or perhaps that is my generation... if that makes any sense at all.
I still have quite an awful time simplifying my thoughts... in an English 121 course last semester, my professor always blamed me for 'smartenizing' everything that I had to say or write. After thinking more about it, I fully agree with my professor because to be quite honest, I have nothing profound to say... ever... and most of what I do say (of which contains any coherent thoughts) can be summarized in short and simple sentences. So why is it that I have to constantly subject my friends, family, boyfriend to my long and perhaps agonizing monologues? I really don't know. Maybe I feel like if I don't, people will think I'm stupid. Or maybe that I think if I use fancy words that people will think I'm smart when I'm really just pulling out the flashy bells and bingbobs or whatever the saying is. But whatever the reason is, I cannot neglect the fact that whatever it is that I'm doing has helped me build my vocabulary!
There was something that I wanted to write about today, but alas it is 7:24pm and I have homework to do :( Until tomorrow!
Monday, February 27, 2012
Saturday, February 25, 2012
Introductions, explanations, and any other things that are on my mind.
Hello world!
Before I continue with the first few rants of the night, I would like clearly state that I am not majoring in literature (or have any intention of doing so), and as a matter of fact, I am quite an awful writer. Additionally, I will refuse to edit anything that I am typing- train of thought, however you would like to call this. The reason as to which I have started a blog is to teach myself how to properly formulate thoughts. Though there are many many many more reasons as to why I decided to start a blog, that is my main one. My only obligation, as the blogger, is to not lie to you.
Anyhow, my inspiration was an ex-boyfriend of mine from high school. I never thought of him to be intellectual at all which was why I was completely flabbergasted when I came across his blog. His spelling was atrocious, but he had quite a lot to say, and he had quite a way of saying it. As I was reading post to post to post, I came to realize how little I really knew about the world around me... and how the things that I did know, I wasn't sure that I could even sit down and tell you what it was that was truly happening, to whom, where, and so on and so forth.
Such as an example:
I know that there is a war.
I know that it is somewhere in the middle east.
I'm don't know where in the middle east.
I don't even know why there is a war.
As a matter of fact, I don't even know when it started or if it's the same war I'm thinking about.
Pathetic right? But compared to the common American, I believe that I'm not the only one who doesn't know these things. And why should I? At my age, 19, I care very little about the world around me because none of it seems to directly affect me. I'll get upset if gas prices go up but I did not shed a tear when Whitney Houston died. I'll be happy when someone finds a cure for cancer, but I won't go out and celebrate.
On a similar note, I also don't know:
Where all of the states are in the U.S. (with the exceptions of Florida, Maine, California, Colorado, and Texas).
The names of more than maybe 9 presidents.
How many states are part of the U.S.
What the stripes and stars and colors mean on the American flag.
Why Americans don't use the metric system.
What SI in SI units even stands for.
What the House of Representatives does... or any of the branches of the government.
Who is currently in office other than Obama.
What the Bill of Rights and Declaration of Independence REALLY says.
As a matter of fact, I'm not even sure I know any geography (where is Germany and Turkey??)
So at this point you are either laughing right now, feeling bad for me, or silently ridiculing yourself for not knowing some of that either.
You may also be thinking to yourself, "I learned that in the second grade! How stupid are you?" Well I apologize for not knowing, and as a matter of fact, I feel quite stupid myself for not ever taking the time to learn... but somehow I was able to make it to college without having to know any of those things. Which... maybe says something about our education system.
SO. Maybe, after being able to finally admit on a public blog that I am just as stupid as I know myself to me, I may look for some online games to teach myself the location of all of the states... I'll let you know how that goes.
A little bit about myself, I'm 19 (if you didn't catch that), I'm female, I'm Asian and whatever mix my Dad is (Cherokee, Scottish, something or another- another thing I never bothered wondering about), currently living in the basement of my parent's home, in the midst of a failing relationship, attending the local community college, unemployed, usually misinformed, a hypocrite, decent at manipulation, selfish, a compulsive liar, and generally not as smart as I portray myself to me. Sounds harsh right? But I'm working on it... meaning I'm working on being a better individual (but half the time I can't tell if I'm just lieing to myself or if I'm really make the conscious effort). Sure no one is perfect, but I'm either a really awful human being, or I'm just more honest than the rest of the population.
You see, I have this mindset that honesty is always the best option unless that is you are trying to manipulate someone... or lie to yourself. Which in my case is a daily occurrence... occurrence, occurrence.... yeah I just typed that out two more times because I spelled it wrong the first time... occurrence.
But unfortunately, I have no self esteem so I'm unable to take advantage of anyone.
Hmmm, I'm not quite sure where I'm going with all of this... but I guess if I were to select any random topic to write about... I would pick relationships! Because, I am... currently in the midst of a failing relationship- as I said before.
To detail the specifics, I am currently dating a 30 year old local musician. We've been together for two years now. He is:
White.
Not much taller than me.
Finally divorced.
A nice guy when he's not playing a show or at a show.
Wants to make it big and tour.
Has no other goals other than to make it big and tour.
A college dropout.
Working at some coffee place as a service manager.
In a lot of debt.
Cares for me.
Not really in shape.
Has an awful sense of fashion.
Doesn't have a car.
Has really strange eating habits.
Understands me.
Honest.
Loyal.
Not that great in bed.
Usually has the mentality of... well like me, which is sometimes a problem.
Stubborn.
Also a hypocrite.
Really bad at prioritizing.
So in a nutshell, we're PERFECT for each other... right? After typing all of that out, I almost came to the conclusion that I don't really have many positive things to say about him... at the moment. And I would like to attribute that to the fact that I'm a bit spiteful... at the moment. So why the hell are we still pseudo together? Well:
1. I abhor having... (I typed out abhor without knowing that it really meant... and found out that it means exactly what I thought it meant) to start over again with any other guy... getting to know him like I do my boyfriend now. Right now I know what he likes, what he doesn't like, what makes him happy and angry and sad... his goals, his faults... there's no guessing involved.
2. Everyone knows we're together and I would hate having to explain to everyone why we weren't if we just broke it off.
3. I genuinely do care about him. As a matter of fact, I love the guy! (In love? Another topic...)
4. All of my stuff is at his house still and I'm too lazy to move it all out (I have my own room filled with things in the house... which I will eventually have to move out if he doesn't renew the lease).
5. There are moments when I look at him and see the most handsome man in the world.
6. There have been times where he'll do something so completely sweet for me that I can't help but think that there is no other man in this world that could love me that much.
7. He's easy to sway (he'll go shopping and drive me around all day if I asked him to).
8. It's nice to have a snuggle buddy.
9. He's not that great at sex but I'm glad to know I'm the only one he sleeps with.
10. He's kind of like me... just an older... and much more stubborn version.
I'm sure I can think of a few more but it's already... 1:42 am and I don't see the point of detailing out every single little thing that makes me go ooo and awwweee.
Oh, and if you're thinking, "He's 30 and you're 19, wow you must have Dad issues," or "He's taking advantage of you," you're the kind of person I generally don't care for. Not because I think you're wrong, but it's because you're almost completely right but I choose to ignore you anyways for your narrow thinking... or dead on thinking. Whatever you want to call it. There is a REASON as to why we are still together, and believe me I have taken those things into consideration. I admit it, I have Dad issues. My Dad never paid much attention to me, was abusive, was always working, and wishes that I were his son instead to pass down the family name. Of course my Dad and I have a much different relationship now, but those things have indeed affected me.
I don't really know where I'm going with all of this... yet again. Maybe it's because I have so many things to say but I can't stay focused long enough to say only what I need to say about one thing. Hmmm, I will keep that as a note to self.
I BELIEVE that I was going on a rant about relationships, but I just came to the realize how broad the topic actually is. Maybe that's why I'm confused as to what I'm supposed to say next.
Uhggg.
Well perhaps I will continue tomorrow... after a good nights rest. Maybe pick out a narrower topic and start from there (last note, good night's rest? Why would night's rest be possessive... possessive, possessive, possessive, I just looked it up... makes no sense to me. You want a good rest... but why night's rest? Maybe I'll figure it out in the morning.)
Before I continue with the first few rants of the night, I would like clearly state that I am not majoring in literature (or have any intention of doing so), and as a matter of fact, I am quite an awful writer. Additionally, I will refuse to edit anything that I am typing- train of thought, however you would like to call this. The reason as to which I have started a blog is to teach myself how to properly formulate thoughts. Though there are many many many more reasons as to why I decided to start a blog, that is my main one. My only obligation, as the blogger, is to not lie to you.
Anyhow, my inspiration was an ex-boyfriend of mine from high school. I never thought of him to be intellectual at all which was why I was completely flabbergasted when I came across his blog. His spelling was atrocious, but he had quite a lot to say, and he had quite a way of saying it. As I was reading post to post to post, I came to realize how little I really knew about the world around me... and how the things that I did know, I wasn't sure that I could even sit down and tell you what it was that was truly happening, to whom, where, and so on and so forth.
Such as an example:
I know that there is a war.
I know that it is somewhere in the middle east.
I'm don't know where in the middle east.
I don't even know why there is a war.
As a matter of fact, I don't even know when it started or if it's the same war I'm thinking about.
Pathetic right? But compared to the common American, I believe that I'm not the only one who doesn't know these things. And why should I? At my age, 19, I care very little about the world around me because none of it seems to directly affect me. I'll get upset if gas prices go up but I did not shed a tear when Whitney Houston died. I'll be happy when someone finds a cure for cancer, but I won't go out and celebrate.
On a similar note, I also don't know:
Where all of the states are in the U.S. (with the exceptions of Florida, Maine, California, Colorado, and Texas).
The names of more than maybe 9 presidents.
How many states are part of the U.S.
What the stripes and stars and colors mean on the American flag.
Why Americans don't use the metric system.
What SI in SI units even stands for.
What the House of Representatives does... or any of the branches of the government.
Who is currently in office other than Obama.
What the Bill of Rights and Declaration of Independence REALLY says.
As a matter of fact, I'm not even sure I know any geography (where is Germany and Turkey??)
So at this point you are either laughing right now, feeling bad for me, or silently ridiculing yourself for not knowing some of that either.
You may also be thinking to yourself, "I learned that in the second grade! How stupid are you?" Well I apologize for not knowing, and as a matter of fact, I feel quite stupid myself for not ever taking the time to learn... but somehow I was able to make it to college without having to know any of those things. Which... maybe says something about our education system.
SO. Maybe, after being able to finally admit on a public blog that I am just as stupid as I know myself to me, I may look for some online games to teach myself the location of all of the states... I'll let you know how that goes.
A little bit about myself, I'm 19 (if you didn't catch that), I'm female, I'm Asian and whatever mix my Dad is (Cherokee, Scottish, something or another- another thing I never bothered wondering about), currently living in the basement of my parent's home, in the midst of a failing relationship, attending the local community college, unemployed, usually misinformed, a hypocrite, decent at manipulation, selfish, a compulsive liar, and generally not as smart as I portray myself to me. Sounds harsh right? But I'm working on it... meaning I'm working on being a better individual (but half the time I can't tell if I'm just lieing to myself or if I'm really make the conscious effort). Sure no one is perfect, but I'm either a really awful human being, or I'm just more honest than the rest of the population.
You see, I have this mindset that honesty is always the best option unless that is you are trying to manipulate someone... or lie to yourself. Which in my case is a daily occurrence... occurrence, occurrence.... yeah I just typed that out two more times because I spelled it wrong the first time... occurrence.
But unfortunately, I have no self esteem so I'm unable to take advantage of anyone.
Hmmm, I'm not quite sure where I'm going with all of this... but I guess if I were to select any random topic to write about... I would pick relationships! Because, I am... currently in the midst of a failing relationship- as I said before.
To detail the specifics, I am currently dating a 30 year old local musician. We've been together for two years now. He is:
White.
Not much taller than me.
Finally divorced.
A nice guy when he's not playing a show or at a show.
Wants to make it big and tour.
Has no other goals other than to make it big and tour.
A college dropout.
Working at some coffee place as a service manager.
In a lot of debt.
Cares for me.
Not really in shape.
Has an awful sense of fashion.
Doesn't have a car.
Has really strange eating habits.
Understands me.
Honest.
Loyal.
Not that great in bed.
Usually has the mentality of... well like me, which is sometimes a problem.
Stubborn.
Also a hypocrite.
Really bad at prioritizing.
So in a nutshell, we're PERFECT for each other... right? After typing all of that out, I almost came to the conclusion that I don't really have many positive things to say about him... at the moment. And I would like to attribute that to the fact that I'm a bit spiteful... at the moment. So why the hell are we still pseudo together? Well:
1. I abhor having... (I typed out abhor without knowing that it really meant... and found out that it means exactly what I thought it meant) to start over again with any other guy... getting to know him like I do my boyfriend now. Right now I know what he likes, what he doesn't like, what makes him happy and angry and sad... his goals, his faults... there's no guessing involved.
2. Everyone knows we're together and I would hate having to explain to everyone why we weren't if we just broke it off.
3. I genuinely do care about him. As a matter of fact, I love the guy! (In love? Another topic...)
4. All of my stuff is at his house still and I'm too lazy to move it all out (I have my own room filled with things in the house... which I will eventually have to move out if he doesn't renew the lease).
5. There are moments when I look at him and see the most handsome man in the world.
6. There have been times where he'll do something so completely sweet for me that I can't help but think that there is no other man in this world that could love me that much.
7. He's easy to sway (he'll go shopping and drive me around all day if I asked him to).
8. It's nice to have a snuggle buddy.
9. He's not that great at sex but I'm glad to know I'm the only one he sleeps with.
10. He's kind of like me... just an older... and much more stubborn version.
I'm sure I can think of a few more but it's already... 1:42 am and I don't see the point of detailing out every single little thing that makes me go ooo and awwweee.
Oh, and if you're thinking, "He's 30 and you're 19, wow you must have Dad issues," or "He's taking advantage of you," you're the kind of person I generally don't care for. Not because I think you're wrong, but it's because you're almost completely right but I choose to ignore you anyways for your narrow thinking... or dead on thinking. Whatever you want to call it. There is a REASON as to why we are still together, and believe me I have taken those things into consideration. I admit it, I have Dad issues. My Dad never paid much attention to me, was abusive, was always working, and wishes that I were his son instead to pass down the family name. Of course my Dad and I have a much different relationship now, but those things have indeed affected me.
I don't really know where I'm going with all of this... yet again. Maybe it's because I have so many things to say but I can't stay focused long enough to say only what I need to say about one thing. Hmmm, I will keep that as a note to self.
I BELIEVE that I was going on a rant about relationships, but I just came to the realize how broad the topic actually is. Maybe that's why I'm confused as to what I'm supposed to say next.
Uhggg.
Well perhaps I will continue tomorrow... after a good nights rest. Maybe pick out a narrower topic and start from there (last note, good night's rest? Why would night's rest be possessive... possessive, possessive, possessive, I just looked it up... makes no sense to me. You want a good rest... but why night's rest? Maybe I'll figure it out in the morning.)
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